Barkley Fall Classic: A Love Letter

This isn't proofread. I just needed to get this all out--

I was a different person 3 years ago at the starting line of my first BFC. I hadn’t DNF’d any races yet and the thought of it happening was terrifying. Not just in running, but in life too, I wanted to be “successful” at everything I did and I made decisions that got me there. Safe decisions where there was never really a risk of failure. My race ended that day at the highway 116 turnaround when I missed the cutoff and I got my first DNF. Instead of walking away feeling defeated, I was intrigued. I wanted to see what my body and mind were capable of and I knew that wasn’t going to happen by signing up for things that I knew I could finish. I signed up for longer distances and different formats like last man standings and hourly races. I also knew that I needed to go back to BFC the next year. 

I threw my name in the hat and took the lessons I learned from that first year and came back to the starting line in 2023. I’m not sure what was better: being a little naive that first year when every step was new territory and I didn’t know what was around the next corner or knowing exactly what was in store for me that day. This day ended in a DNF at the highway 116 turnaround again but this time it was my choice. There was no cutoff at that point and I made the choice to quit. I probably didn’t have enough time to make it back and my body was destroyed. I hadn’t seen another runner in quite some time and it was getting dark. Going through the off trail section of T/S and meth lab alone in the dark after being out there for 11+ hours at that point was not worth the risk to me. 

I made the decision to take the next year off from BFC and signed up for a different race. And when registration opened for 2025, I was ready to go back. 

Once again, I lined up with 400+ other brave souls (or morons as Laz likes to refer to us) and went out there and again DNFd at the highway 116 turnaround. This time with maybe just enough time left on the clock to make a marathon finish. But I made the choice to quit. If you’ve ever ran a tough race (or even had a tough training run) you know that before you actually quit, you’ve already talked yourself out of it at least 10 times. There are going to be low points and it takes a lot to get yourself out of those and continue on and at some point the brain just says no more.  Although physically I had an incredible day out there and felt the best I’ve ever felt at this race, something in my brain wasn’t having it. 

This race is like a puzzle. Every year I find another piece to it in hopes that someday I have them all and can see whatever the hell the picture on the box is supposed to be. 

So to BFC: Thank you for the person you have made me and the new outlook on life that you’ve given me. One full of curiosity and adventure.  One where DNF isn’t a failure. It’s an opportunity to learn something about myself that I can take with me, not just into next year’s race, but into every moment of my life. 

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Running out of the prison

Now for all the race recap details: 

When I got the map at packet pick up I just smiled. This was the most diabolical course I could have ever imagined. I didn’t want to count myself out but at this point, I knew chances were pretty slim. This year the race started at Brushy Mountain State Penitentiary. Typically we run through here at some point in the race. In the other 2 years that I’ve done this race we started at Frozen Head State Park. Because of this start location, the options for starting out were going right up Rat Jaw or heading over to meth lab/TS, or maybe some other option I had never seen before. Both of those sections are gnarly climbs that require bear crawling, sliding on your butt, bushwacking through briars, and holding on to some random downed cables to help get up/down. Turns out we were running a lap around the prison yard to help spread the 440 runners out and then heading up a “trail” on the side of Big Rat/Rat Jaw and then climbing up Rat Jaw. 

There were some very slight uphills in that loop around the prison and my brain was telling me “don’t run uphill this early idiot” but something in my gut said “full send” and that’s what I did. We hit a tight staircase and that caused a bottleneck. I saw precious minutes ticking away as I stood there and waited. And then again as we went into the woods. Pretty sure this “trail” was created just for the race by someone with a machete. It was single track and straight up. A short jaunt on a fire road over to Rat Jaw where once again I stood in line just waiting to go up. I shoved some calories in the hopper and got my work gloves on so that the cables and briars wouldn’t eat up my hands. I had never gone up Rat Jaw before (only down) and I can say that I like that much better than coming down (unless there was mud, then the whole thing becomes a lot harder). On the way up I saw a familiar face, a man named Ryan that I had DNFd with in 2022. It was crazy to see someone I knew in that huge crowd. I got to the top and climbed up the fire tower to get the first bib bunch. Another bottleneck here as the stairs are really made for one way traffic. I looked down and could see a lot of people still on Rat Jaw. 

A few things to know is that the miles that are marked on the map, may or may not be accurate. You also can’t wear a watch or carry any GPS. I usually get a cheap watch from Wal Mart and set the start for 12 so that it just starts counting up and I know how many hours I’ve been out there. But anyways–not having a GPS watch and not knowing if the miles marked on the map just add to the fun of not really knowing how far you have until the next cutoff. 

The first cutoff at Bald Knob was about 3 miles away and we had 3 hours from the start to get there. I was worried I wasn’t going to make it and I knew a lot of those people I saw on Rat Jaw behind me wouldn’t be making it.

Luckily at this point, we were mostly running down a jeep road so I booked it as fast as I could to that first cutoff and made it with 26 minutes to spare (so it took me about 38 minutes to get there). I filled up my bottles and headed out on the next section: Bird Mountain. 

This section has a lot of switchbacks and running down them is a lot of fun.I was in a group of about 4 runners for a lot of this section so the time was passing pretty quickly as we all chatted.  It’s all fun and games until the climbs—I hit my first low and slowed my pace down a little and had some extra snacks and saw myself fall farther back from the group I was with. Eventually the trail starts heading down again as you go into the campground and I had caught back up with them. I always feel weird passing a group of people but I really wanted to be moving faster at this point so I spoke up and went around. This is not a race where you have time to feel bad about trying to pass people. If it’s a section where you want to move faster—do it because there’s probably a section coming up where you’ll move slower. I could see the yellow gate and stopped for a moment and gave it a smooch. I know it’s just a yellow gate to most people in the world but I can’t help but think of all the incredible adventures that have started and stopped right in that spot. 

We ran through the park on some roads and hit the first aid station that has more than just water at around the 11ish mile mark (5:12:14 elapsed time). I stopped to fill up my bottles, grabbed my PBJ from my pack and ate it while heading towards the next section: Chimney Top. Some people will tell you that they hate this section more than the tough off trail climbs. That’s how I felt the first year too. So I’ve spent a lot of time in the mountains climbing things that sucked just as bad. There’s a state park in the upstate called Table Rock and if you take the Table Rock Trail and then split off and go to the Pinnacle summit—it’s somewhere around 4 miles and 2500ft of gain. It sucks and I did it several times this summer and dang it came in handy on race day. I just kept reminding myself that my legs have done this before and they’ll do it again today. I told myself I wouldn’t let myself stop or sit but I did hit another low and I let myself sit for just a minute and got back to it. Hit the ridgeline and took off running. I hit the next aid station (8:02:43) and knew that it was a quick uphill before I got to climb the fire tower again and then straight down Rat Jaw into the prison. This is where I started doing math and where I super messed up. 

I looked at the map and saw that the decision point cutoff was 10:30 and in my brain I thought that meant that I had to make it down Rat Jaw and out and back on meth lab and T/S in 2.5 hours. When you look at how many miles that is—it looks doable. But it’s literally all the off trail stuff where there’s very minimal running happening because of how technical the terrain is. I decided to sit at the top for a moment, enjoy some cheetos, and text my husband to tell him that I wasn’t going to make the cutoff and that I’d be down Rat Jaw in about an hour. There was a small group of us going down together and honestly it was fun. The briars were mostly trampled down by this point in the day and we just laughed at how ridiculous this whole thing was and that we chose to be out here and paid money to do it. 

I got to the bottom and saw my family and said I was done. Everyone said to keep going over to the prison wall so I could get my bib punched again and climb over the prison wall and under the tunnel, so I did. I started going the wrong way to get out of the creek but some nice people helped me out. I climbed out of there and ran over to the next timing mat just right through the prison yard. Text Matt again and told him that I was laying down right past the aid station. They came over and said that I had until the end of the race to finish the “marathon”.  If you’re not familiar, the marathon finish is still a DNF but I guess it holds slightly more honor than just a straight up DNF by choice or missing a cutoff. Runners who get to the decision point can choose to continue on or to stop and take the marathon finish—again still a DNF.

 At this point, I had a really good day. There were some lows but I got out of them fairly quickly. My body felt surprisingly strong still and there was still a smile on my face. When I was heading to Rat Jaw I had decided that I would be done and I was at peace with that decision and with the day I had out there. This was the absolute strongest I had ever felt and the farthest ahead of cutoffs I had been. I couldn’t believe that I misunderstood that cutoff. I knew what came after the prison and it was my least favorite section. I knew the day would go from good to bad if I kept going but part of me had to find out if I could do it. 

I looked at my map and went to ask Laz to confirm that I did have a little over 3 hrs to do an out and back on meth lab and T/S and get back to the prison. He confirmed and I took off running. I came into the prison aid station timing mat at 9:39:16. Now looking at the map again, I see that the cutoff there is 10:40 so I was still an hour ahead of the cutoff but at the time I didn’t realize that. 

It’s a short distance on paved road and jeep roads over to the base of meth lab. One look up at that thing and it’s enough to make any sane human question their life choices. Best part is—that’s not even the top. There’s (I think) essentially 3 big climbs but they’re so steep that you can only see one at a time. I’ve learned to never think that the top of what you’re climbing is the part that you can see. I got part of the way up and my body just quit on me. I was laying on the side of the mountain throwing up. I text Matt and told him I was turning around and coming back and a few minutes later I told him I was going to continue on. Just a little more climbing and I was finally out of the direct sunlight. I’m on a new medication and it does increase photosensitivity so I’m not entirely sure if being on those really exposed sections for a few hours + the meds caused me to feel so sick but I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet. I threw up again at the top of meth lab and got myself together and started down T/S. 

Honestly despite throwing up—this was the best I’ve felt on these sections. I remember thinking to myself that this wasn’t as bad as I remembered. It was a mud pit 2 years ago so I’m sure that didn’t help! Even in such a tough part of the day, I was giggling at all the beauty around me. There were so many butterflies and hummingbirds hanging out on all the flowers. The views of the surrounding mountains from various points on meth lab. 

I kept seeing people go back towards the prison to get a marathon finish and they weren't too far ahead of me but everything in my brain was telling me that I was done. I had about 1:40 to get back to the prison and it took me a little under 2 hours to get there. It was within the realm of possibility for sure and it would have been awesome to walk away with a marathon finish. Part of me is super disappointed. I don't understand why I couldn't make myself just go for it. I really hate meth lab and TS. But I'm also really dang proud of myself because this is the best I have felt at the end, it's the most I've ran during this race, and I wasted minimal time. 

The mindset for this race is hard for me. I’ve DNFd it every time and it doesn’t really make me upset when I look at the stats. This year 20 out of 440 finished. Part of me takes my usual outlook on running “just go out there and have fun and enjoy every second of it” knowing that a DNF is likely. But then there’s a part that wants to finish it so damn bad or even at least get a marathon finish. When things get tough and the goal is to just have fun, it’s easy to say well this isn’t fun anymore so I’m out. I think I struggled with that a lot this year. 

Usually when you DNF–it isn’t the first time you had to convince yourself to keep going and at some point your brain just says it’s done. I did a really good job of chunking out the race all day. Focusing in on each section and not worrying about what was next. But on those last sections, even the smaller chunks started to feel overwhelming to my brain. I tried to remind myself of all the little victories from earlier in the day but it was no use. And honestly it’s incredibly frustrating. If I was miserable or my body had given out like the previous year–I would be ok with the fact that I quit. But none of that was true this year. I had so many mental tools that I didn’t even think to rely on.

It’s Monday as I’m writing this and I’ve basically spent the last 2 days just working through all of my feelings about the race. Friends have been texting and I’m not even sure what to say to the question of “how did it go?”. I’m not embarrassed by how my race turned out. I know for me, I have another piece of that BFC puzzle. I’m not sure how many more pieces I need to collect before I can get at least a marathon finish. I said I was done after this year—but BFC said not yet. I have more to learn 

Things I’m thinking about for 2026:

• Knowing that I’ve DNF’d in this exact same spot 3 times—need to do something to boost morale when I get to this point. Maybe write something out? I’m a visual person so I think just relying on my brain at this point was bad. Maybe have an actual written out list of tools to use (music, do a body check and realize nothing is actually wrong, call a friend, etc..)

• Focus on getting the marathon finish(still a DNF but it’s a step in the right direction). Take getting the actual finish out of the equation for now

• I spent a lot of time understanding the map before the race but need to make sure I understand the cutoffs. That killed me. For several hours I was thinking about finishing at the prison because I misunderstood the cutoff. At that point in the day it was tough to make myself go back out there, especially knowing that the hardest section (for me) was up next

• Continue training with lower mileage than I normally would for an ultra, working in speed, and BIG mountain days

• Nutrition was on point. The only thing I would have changed would be to bring more PBJs. I really wanted some real stuff at the turnaround. Carried 3 bottles at all times. 1 was always plain water.

Stuff I wore and ate:

Shorts: rabbit surfs up 4"

shirt: Rabbit EZ perf tank

socks: drymax

vest: ultraspire zygos

shoes: hoka speedgoat

nutrition: The Feed high carb mix + Skratch everyday drink mix in my bottles + Xact bars + Fuel For Fire Pouch/Never Second bars (also had some Noogs chews, Bobo PBJ, and cheetos)